Lexophile is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”  A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.    This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.


… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

… The batteries were given out free of charge.

… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

… A will is a dead giveaway.

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

… A boiled egg is hard to beat.

… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end

Always laugh when you can. It’s cheap medicine.